Dear Helen I've been reading you for a while now but haven't commented to this point because there's rarely anything to say except thank you. Like everything you write this piece is thorough, relentlessly logical, many-sided, well-argued and presented with so much humanity and such care your readers and their well-being. Thank you
Hi Helen, at the level of autism I completely agree with you, and it is why I became rather skeptical of the neurodiversity movement. It is very saturated with with queer activism, and disability studies thinking, and tends to disregard in harsh ways people who strongly disagree, which are many.
I have both friends on the left and right and weirdly enough I hear anti-psychiatry clichés from both sides.
I also do not talk about being autistic to anyone for similar reasons as you do.
My partner is also on the same boat as you are on both regards and I hear a mix of things from her as well. In part she has fallen for the queer theory in many ways due to influencers on YouTube, but on the other hand is very skeptical of many of the same things.
Thanks for writing so clearly and level headed about this.
Love this Helen. Thank you for always banging on the liberalism drum. 🤗
This frustration is what I experienced when briefly exploring the drag-king world. It is an environment saturated with confusion and Queer Theory. I once read an educational Instagram post about being a drag-king, claiming as a performer you are part of the 'Trans umbrella'. Even though my logical mind framed this as ridiculous, I noticed my primal urge to fit in started to overrule the brain. In order to stay in the gang, I considered being non-binary to level up my identity points from lesbian. Pretty grim really.
I eventually stepped away from Queer Theory. (Even after having a podcast called Queerious!) It was a horrible mentality to fester in. As much as people mock it, you spend everyday exhausted with rage and walking on egg shells with your own expression and views.
I’m glad you were able to do that. Thanks for sharing. It really is a toxic stew and has no room for individuality. I am so very glad it was not a thing when I was young.
I enjoyed this a lot, and I was just considering buying some earplugs of my own after someone recommended the Loop ones to me. I can't hear anything when I'm out networking in a busy place. Or rather, I can hear everything, all at once, which is not very helpful. When I first started investigating autism, I read a book that billed itself as the "Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism and Neurodivergence", but it was in fact a thinly-veiled political manifesto, with some personal experiences attached. I've rarely been so frustrated reading a book. It made me sad that many neurodivergent folks in need of support and understanding would come to believe that these kinds of political views were required to find their place in the world.
I was diagnosed with autism as an adult, and was immediately conflicted about it: it was very useful for understanding myself and helped me to get through a difficult period, but I was glad I hadn’t had it as a crutch while growing up, similar to you. It became a big part of my identity for a while, but now I find myself ignoring it as much as possible. Now I have a baby girl and I wonder, if she turns out like me - a bit socially inept but basically okay - would I want her to be diagnosed? Still unsure.
I can’t remember where I read this point first, but I’m struck by how often those speaking on behalf of autists seem to believe everybody is high-functioning. Telling me that I’m different, not disabled is fair enough; there are people for whom that framing just seems cruel. That bugs me far more than people assuming they know my politics, and it makes me wish that autism and Asperger’s were still separate diagnoses.
I could have written the biographic parts of this myself. The bisexuality and autism becoming apparent after having a child with more profound autistic traits. And the incorrect psychiatric diagnosis and medications thrown at me over the years.
I share your views on how these identities have become political and also are very incentivized in the current cultural landscape.
I’m intrigued by this idea of ‘identifying ‘ as anything. I don’t like to box myself in. I don’t use it myself and notice you do. Can you say more? Have had relationships with men and women and do not use the word bisexual to label myself. I value the freedom to be me and sleep with who I like! So I don’t say I identify as anything.
I’m glad I spotted the additional labelling csj tried to put on me. One of the reasons I found your writing so helpful as I pulled myself out of that belief system. I breathe a bit easier hearing your articulation of something I could sense was unhelpful and limiting.
“Bisexual” can be taken on as an identity label or just used as the correct word for someone who is attracted to people of both sexes. In the same way, people need not identify with heterosexuality for it to be the word to say something true about themselves. It’s quicker when it relevant than spelling it out every time.
E.g.,
Have you ever dated a woman?
No, I’m heterosexual/no, I am exclusively attracted to people of the same sex
Yes, I am bisexual/ yes, I can be attracted to people of either sex
Dear Helen I've been reading you for a while now but haven't commented to this point because there's rarely anything to say except thank you. Like everything you write this piece is thorough, relentlessly logical, many-sided, well-argued and presented with so much humanity and such care your readers and their well-being. Thank you
Thank you, Kevin! Now I have the warm, fuzzy feeling of having my intentions seen and appreciated and it’s entirely your fault!
Hi Helen, at the level of autism I completely agree with you, and it is why I became rather skeptical of the neurodiversity movement. It is very saturated with with queer activism, and disability studies thinking, and tends to disregard in harsh ways people who strongly disagree, which are many.
I have both friends on the left and right and weirdly enough I hear anti-psychiatry clichés from both sides.
I also do not talk about being autistic to anyone for similar reasons as you do.
My partner is also on the same boat as you are on both regards and I hear a mix of things from her as well. In part she has fallen for the queer theory in many ways due to influencers on YouTube, but on the other hand is very skeptical of many of the same things.
Thanks for writing so clearly and level headed about this.
Love this Helen. Thank you for always banging on the liberalism drum. 🤗
This frustration is what I experienced when briefly exploring the drag-king world. It is an environment saturated with confusion and Queer Theory. I once read an educational Instagram post about being a drag-king, claiming as a performer you are part of the 'Trans umbrella'. Even though my logical mind framed this as ridiculous, I noticed my primal urge to fit in started to overrule the brain. In order to stay in the gang, I considered being non-binary to level up my identity points from lesbian. Pretty grim really.
I eventually stepped away from Queer Theory. (Even after having a podcast called Queerious!) It was a horrible mentality to fester in. As much as people mock it, you spend everyday exhausted with rage and walking on egg shells with your own expression and views.
Bonkers.
I’m glad you were able to do that. Thanks for sharing. It really is a toxic stew and has no room for individuality. I am so very glad it was not a thing when I was young.
I enjoyed this a lot, and I was just considering buying some earplugs of my own after someone recommended the Loop ones to me. I can't hear anything when I'm out networking in a busy place. Or rather, I can hear everything, all at once, which is not very helpful. When I first started investigating autism, I read a book that billed itself as the "Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism and Neurodivergence", but it was in fact a thinly-veiled political manifesto, with some personal experiences attached. I've rarely been so frustrated reading a book. It made me sad that many neurodivergent folks in need of support and understanding would come to believe that these kinds of political views were required to find their place in the world.
Lovely piece Helen, thank you for writing that.
I was diagnosed with autism as an adult, and was immediately conflicted about it: it was very useful for understanding myself and helped me to get through a difficult period, but I was glad I hadn’t had it as a crutch while growing up, similar to you. It became a big part of my identity for a while, but now I find myself ignoring it as much as possible. Now I have a baby girl and I wonder, if she turns out like me - a bit socially inept but basically okay - would I want her to be diagnosed? Still unsure.
I can’t remember where I read this point first, but I’m struck by how often those speaking on behalf of autists seem to believe everybody is high-functioning. Telling me that I’m different, not disabled is fair enough; there are people for whom that framing just seems cruel. That bugs me far more than people assuming they know my politics, and it makes me wish that autism and Asperger’s were still separate diagnoses.
I could have written the biographic parts of this myself. The bisexuality and autism becoming apparent after having a child with more profound autistic traits. And the incorrect psychiatric diagnosis and medications thrown at me over the years.
I share your views on how these identities have become political and also are very incentivized in the current cultural landscape.
“I was frequently misunderstood as argumentative or rude when, in my own mind, I was simply trying to clarify and understand something.”
Boy do I relate to that! Excellent piece, Helen.
I relate to this post as a lesbian and a person with autism. I don’t feel like I fit in on the right or the left.
It is an extremely odd, unsettling and pleasantly odd at the same time, to run into another female who has stuff in common.
I am on the dot of Xennial, my poor social skills could sit at the trenchcoat mafia lunch table.
Quite a few have emerged in the comments of this piece!
Loved reading this.
I’m intrigued by this idea of ‘identifying ‘ as anything. I don’t like to box myself in. I don’t use it myself and notice you do. Can you say more? Have had relationships with men and women and do not use the word bisexual to label myself. I value the freedom to be me and sleep with who I like! So I don’t say I identify as anything.
I’m glad I spotted the additional labelling csj tried to put on me. One of the reasons I found your writing so helpful as I pulled myself out of that belief system. I breathe a bit easier hearing your articulation of something I could sense was unhelpful and limiting.
“Bisexual” can be taken on as an identity label or just used as the correct word for someone who is attracted to people of both sexes. In the same way, people need not identify with heterosexuality for it to be the word to say something true about themselves. It’s quicker when it relevant than spelling it out every time.
E.g.,
Have you ever dated a woman?
No, I’m heterosexual/no, I am exclusively attracted to people of the same sex
Yes, I am bisexual/ yes, I can be attracted to people of either sex