Dear Helen I've been reading you for a while now but haven't commented to this point because there's rarely anything to say except thank you. Like everything you write this piece is thorough, relentlessly logical, many-sided, well-argued and presented with so much humanity and such care your readers and their well-being. Thank you
Hi Helen, at the level of autism I completely agree with you, and it is why I became rather skeptical of the neurodiversity movement. It is very saturated with with queer activism, and disability studies thinking, and tends to disregard in harsh ways people who strongly disagree, which are many.
I have both friends on the left and right and weirdly enough I hear anti-psychiatry clichés from both sides.
I also do not talk about being autistic to anyone for similar reasons as you do.
My partner is also on the same boat as you are on both regards and I hear a mix of things from her as well. In part she has fallen for the queer theory in many ways due to influencers on YouTube, but on the other hand is very skeptical of many of the same things.
Thanks for writing so clearly and level headed about this.
I enjoyed this a lot, and I was just considering buying some earplugs of my own after someone recommended the Loop ones to me. I can't hear anything when I'm out networking in a busy place. Or rather, I can hear everything, all at once, which is not very helpful. When I first started investigating autism, I read a book that billed itself as the "Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism and Neurodivergence", but it was in fact a thinly-veiled political manifesto, with some personal experiences attached. I've rarely been so frustrated reading a book. It made me sad that many neurodivergent folks in need of support and understanding would come to believe that these kinds of political views were required to find their place in the world.
Love this Helen. Thank you for always banging on the liberalism drum. 🤗
This frustration is what I experienced when briefly exploring the drag-king world. It is an environment saturated with confusion and Queer Theory. I once read an educational Instagram post about being a drag-king, claiming as a performer you are part of the 'Trans umbrella'. Even though my logical mind framed this as ridiculous, I noticed my primal urge to fit in started to overrule the brain. In order to stay in the gang, I considered being non-binary to level up my identity points from lesbian. Pretty grim really.
I eventually stepped away from Queer Theory. (Even after having a podcast called Queerious!) It was a horrible mentality to fester in. As much as people mock it, you spend everyday exhausted with rage and walking on egg shells with your own expression and views.
I’m glad you were able to do that. Thanks for sharing. It really is a toxic stew and has no room for individuality. I am so very glad it was not a thing when I was young.
I was diagnosed with autism as an adult, and was immediately conflicted about it: it was very useful for understanding myself and helped me to get through a difficult period, but I was glad I hadn’t had it as a crutch while growing up, similar to you. It became a big part of my identity for a while, but now I find myself ignoring it as much as possible. Now I have a baby girl and I wonder, if she turns out like me - a bit socially inept but basically okay - would I want her to be diagnosed? Still unsure.
I can’t remember where I read this point first, but I’m struck by how often those speaking on behalf of autists seem to believe everybody is high-functioning. Telling me that I’m different, not disabled is fair enough; there are people for whom that framing just seems cruel. That bugs me far more than people assuming they know my politics, and it makes me wish that autism and Asperger’s were still separate diagnoses.
I could have written the biographic parts of this myself. The bisexuality and autism becoming apparent after having a child with more profound autistic traits. And the incorrect psychiatric diagnosis and medications thrown at me over the years.
I share your views on how these identities have become political and also are very incentivized in the current cultural landscape.
I’m intrigued by this idea of ‘identifying ‘ as anything. I don’t like to box myself in. I don’t use it myself and notice you do. Can you say more? Have had relationships with men and women and do not use the word bisexual to label myself. I value the freedom to be me and sleep with who I like! So I don’t say I identify as anything.
I’m glad I spotted the additional labelling csj tried to put on me. One of the reasons I found your writing so helpful as I pulled myself out of that belief system. I breathe a bit easier hearing your articulation of something I could sense was unhelpful and limiting.
“Bisexual” can be taken on as an identity label or just used as the correct word for someone who is attracted to people of both sexes. In the same way, people need not identify with heterosexuality for it to be the word to say something true about themselves. It’s quicker when it relevant than spelling it out every time.
E.g.,
Have you ever dated a woman?
No, I’m heterosexual/no, I am exclusively attracted to people of the same sex
Yes, I am bisexual/ yes, I can be attracted to people of either sex
I am a conservative furry on the spectrum. I cannot agree more. I may rely too much on the furry aspect of my life as my identity but the best people are those who accept labels but treat them as subordinate to their own personality. Those on the spectrum who make being gay or being into Johnny Cash music their entire personality have predestined themselves to being a walking archive but sell themselves short of being an entire library or museum.
I'm torn on the overdiagnosis thing. On the one hand, yes maybe it can be both stigmatizing *and* act as pillow to sleep on in a manner of speaking i.e. it might make some people try just a bit less hard since it's "just who they are".
But on the flipside knowledge is power, and knowing that you're autistic can give you access to a lot of ideas on things that might genuinely help -- including talking to peers who are more likely than not to share at least SOME of your struggles, some of which have also found ways of dealing with one or more challenges that work for them -- and might work for us too.
A diagnosis as such doesn't really do anything other than give a set of symptoms a name and an "official" stamp of approval.
But knowledge can change things, often for the better. I wish I'd learned a whole lot more about autism a whole lot earlier. In contrast I don't think it matters particularly much whether I had an official diagnosis or not. They're sometimes needed for gatekeeping-reasons, i.e. there's some accommodations and support you can't get without one. But like you I did reasonably well in many ways and overall my life wasn't a trainwreck, so I dunno whether an earlier diagnosis would've changed a lot.
Vorrei sottolineare l'importanza di questo articolo.
In quanto esaminando correttamente le "esperienze " vissute può orientare diverse persone che hanno le medesime problematiche ad orientarsi.
Siamo essere sociali ( e per quanto riguarda la mia stessa esperienza ) è importante avere dubbi e/o soluzioni che altri hanno affrontato prima di noi .
What I can’t understand is why Americans are so fixated on the private sexual activities of other people that is not illegal, as in rape and child rape. Why is it anybody else’s business? Why would the topic even come up? Or is sex a normal and regular topic of conversation?
Something I find very interesting about your writing that is interesting to me is the lack of threat in this writing. It's interesting to me because these identities have me in a kind of hyper vigilance about it all the time. I don't hold that against you but it's interesting to me how little you're afraid of getting assaulted over it.
For me both of these identities have a long history of violence attached to them. It's always hard to exactly parse when it's the autism and when it's the bisexuality driving the bus for the attacks but being a kid who had poor interpersonal skills and poor motor skills I have a long history of violence and isolation, and being the kind of bisexual who was into girlier than average things definitely played into it. Whether that's being held down in the bathroom and kicked as they yell fairy in middle school, or cornered in a break room and having my ass slapped its really bad. Even today bi-erasure is a real problem that seems somewhat worse for men but it's all over the place especially among non-queer gays. I'd rope in atheism here too. I sort of attract features that conservatives choose to shun.
And like the kind of people who stood up for me and said actually you do have worth were like queer theory progressives and garden variety liberal democrats. You're a person with worth who shouldn't have to live their lives afraid of violence and isolation on grounds of being a weird person. It's never ever once been a conservative who's stood up in that way and said you shouldn't hate yourself. It's hard for it not to be political when a huge faction of conservatives is kind of opposed to every identity I hold.
I have a piece on the go about this too. People who say the “T” has nothing in common with the “LGB” are right and wrong. Where they are wrong is in that they can draw the same kind of animus. In the same way that “religious minorities” might have little in common except in the minds of authoritarian religious majorities.
Also a sex difference there. Nobody ever has wanted to beat me up for being bisexual or autistic, I think, because I am female.
But liberals have always defended people against hostility on the grounds of immutable characteristics and not told them there is a price to their support and another form of bullying if they don’t pay it.
Dear Helen I've been reading you for a while now but haven't commented to this point because there's rarely anything to say except thank you. Like everything you write this piece is thorough, relentlessly logical, many-sided, well-argued and presented with so much humanity and such care your readers and their well-being. Thank you
Thank you, Kevin! Now I have the warm, fuzzy feeling of having my intentions seen and appreciated and it’s entirely your fault!
Hi Helen, at the level of autism I completely agree with you, and it is why I became rather skeptical of the neurodiversity movement. It is very saturated with with queer activism, and disability studies thinking, and tends to disregard in harsh ways people who strongly disagree, which are many.
I have both friends on the left and right and weirdly enough I hear anti-psychiatry clichés from both sides.
I also do not talk about being autistic to anyone for similar reasons as you do.
My partner is also on the same boat as you are on both regards and I hear a mix of things from her as well. In part she has fallen for the queer theory in many ways due to influencers on YouTube, but on the other hand is very skeptical of many of the same things.
Thanks for writing so clearly and level headed about this.
I enjoyed this a lot, and I was just considering buying some earplugs of my own after someone recommended the Loop ones to me. I can't hear anything when I'm out networking in a busy place. Or rather, I can hear everything, all at once, which is not very helpful. When I first started investigating autism, I read a book that billed itself as the "Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism and Neurodivergence", but it was in fact a thinly-veiled political manifesto, with some personal experiences attached. I've rarely been so frustrated reading a book. It made me sad that many neurodivergent folks in need of support and understanding would come to believe that these kinds of political views were required to find their place in the world.
Love this Helen. Thank you for always banging on the liberalism drum. 🤗
This frustration is what I experienced when briefly exploring the drag-king world. It is an environment saturated with confusion and Queer Theory. I once read an educational Instagram post about being a drag-king, claiming as a performer you are part of the 'Trans umbrella'. Even though my logical mind framed this as ridiculous, I noticed my primal urge to fit in started to overrule the brain. In order to stay in the gang, I considered being non-binary to level up my identity points from lesbian. Pretty grim really.
I eventually stepped away from Queer Theory. (Even after having a podcast called Queerious!) It was a horrible mentality to fester in. As much as people mock it, you spend everyday exhausted with rage and walking on egg shells with your own expression and views.
Bonkers.
I’m glad you were able to do that. Thanks for sharing. It really is a toxic stew and has no room for individuality. I am so very glad it was not a thing when I was young.
Lovely piece Helen, thank you for writing that.
I was diagnosed with autism as an adult, and was immediately conflicted about it: it was very useful for understanding myself and helped me to get through a difficult period, but I was glad I hadn’t had it as a crutch while growing up, similar to you. It became a big part of my identity for a while, but now I find myself ignoring it as much as possible. Now I have a baby girl and I wonder, if she turns out like me - a bit socially inept but basically okay - would I want her to be diagnosed? Still unsure.
I can’t remember where I read this point first, but I’m struck by how often those speaking on behalf of autists seem to believe everybody is high-functioning. Telling me that I’m different, not disabled is fair enough; there are people for whom that framing just seems cruel. That bugs me far more than people assuming they know my politics, and it makes me wish that autism and Asperger’s were still separate diagnoses.
I relate to this post as a lesbian and a person with autism. I don’t feel like I fit in on the right or the left.
I could have written the biographic parts of this myself. The bisexuality and autism becoming apparent after having a child with more profound autistic traits. And the incorrect psychiatric diagnosis and medications thrown at me over the years.
I share your views on how these identities have become political and also are very incentivized in the current cultural landscape.
“I was frequently misunderstood as argumentative or rude when, in my own mind, I was simply trying to clarify and understand something.”
Boy do I relate to that! Excellent piece, Helen.
Loved reading this.
I’m intrigued by this idea of ‘identifying ‘ as anything. I don’t like to box myself in. I don’t use it myself and notice you do. Can you say more? Have had relationships with men and women and do not use the word bisexual to label myself. I value the freedom to be me and sleep with who I like! So I don’t say I identify as anything.
I’m glad I spotted the additional labelling csj tried to put on me. One of the reasons I found your writing so helpful as I pulled myself out of that belief system. I breathe a bit easier hearing your articulation of something I could sense was unhelpful and limiting.
“Bisexual” can be taken on as an identity label or just used as the correct word for someone who is attracted to people of both sexes. In the same way, people need not identify with heterosexuality for it to be the word to say something true about themselves. It’s quicker when it relevant than spelling it out every time.
E.g.,
Have you ever dated a woman?
No, I’m heterosexual/no, I am exclusively attracted to people of the same sex
Yes, I am bisexual/ yes, I can be attracted to people of either sex
I am a conservative furry on the spectrum. I cannot agree more. I may rely too much on the furry aspect of my life as my identity but the best people are those who accept labels but treat them as subordinate to their own personality. Those on the spectrum who make being gay or being into Johnny Cash music their entire personality have predestined themselves to being a walking archive but sell themselves short of being an entire library or museum.
I'm torn on the overdiagnosis thing. On the one hand, yes maybe it can be both stigmatizing *and* act as pillow to sleep on in a manner of speaking i.e. it might make some people try just a bit less hard since it's "just who they are".
But on the flipside knowledge is power, and knowing that you're autistic can give you access to a lot of ideas on things that might genuinely help -- including talking to peers who are more likely than not to share at least SOME of your struggles, some of which have also found ways of dealing with one or more challenges that work for them -- and might work for us too.
A diagnosis as such doesn't really do anything other than give a set of symptoms a name and an "official" stamp of approval.
But knowledge can change things, often for the better. I wish I'd learned a whole lot more about autism a whole lot earlier. In contrast I don't think it matters particularly much whether I had an official diagnosis or not. They're sometimes needed for gatekeeping-reasons, i.e. there's some accommodations and support you can't get without one. But like you I did reasonably well in many ways and overall my life wasn't a trainwreck, so I dunno whether an earlier diagnosis would've changed a lot.
But earlier knowledge definitely would.
Vorrei sottolineare l'importanza di questo articolo.
In quanto esaminando correttamente le "esperienze " vissute può orientare diverse persone che hanno le medesime problematiche ad orientarsi.
Siamo essere sociali ( e per quanto riguarda la mia stessa esperienza ) è importante avere dubbi e/o soluzioni che altri hanno affrontato prima di noi .
Grazie e cordiali saluti
Vincenzo
What I can’t understand is why Americans are so fixated on the private sexual activities of other people that is not illegal, as in rape and child rape. Why is it anybody else’s business? Why would the topic even come up? Or is sex a normal and regular topic of conversation?
Something I find very interesting about your writing that is interesting to me is the lack of threat in this writing. It's interesting to me because these identities have me in a kind of hyper vigilance about it all the time. I don't hold that against you but it's interesting to me how little you're afraid of getting assaulted over it.
For me both of these identities have a long history of violence attached to them. It's always hard to exactly parse when it's the autism and when it's the bisexuality driving the bus for the attacks but being a kid who had poor interpersonal skills and poor motor skills I have a long history of violence and isolation, and being the kind of bisexual who was into girlier than average things definitely played into it. Whether that's being held down in the bathroom and kicked as they yell fairy in middle school, or cornered in a break room and having my ass slapped its really bad. Even today bi-erasure is a real problem that seems somewhat worse for men but it's all over the place especially among non-queer gays. I'd rope in atheism here too. I sort of attract features that conservatives choose to shun.
And like the kind of people who stood up for me and said actually you do have worth were like queer theory progressives and garden variety liberal democrats. You're a person with worth who shouldn't have to live their lives afraid of violence and isolation on grounds of being a weird person. It's never ever once been a conservative who's stood up in that way and said you shouldn't hate yourself. It's hard for it not to be political when a huge faction of conservatives is kind of opposed to every identity I hold.
I have a piece on the go about this too. People who say the “T” has nothing in common with the “LGB” are right and wrong. Where they are wrong is in that they can draw the same kind of animus. In the same way that “religious minorities” might have little in common except in the minds of authoritarian religious majorities.
Also a sex difference there. Nobody ever has wanted to beat me up for being bisexual or autistic, I think, because I am female.
But liberals have always defended people against hostility on the grounds of immutable characteristics and not told them there is a price to their support and another form of bullying if they don’t pay it.
Never mind, at least you’re not ginger
Quite a few have emerged in the comments of this piece!